Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
