dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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