the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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