I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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