one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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