i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
