Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
