Swine flu. Run for my life!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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