whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
