There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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