I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
