I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
