Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
3pm strippers are depressing
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
