I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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