First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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