Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
