Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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