eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
