just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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