Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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