You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
