So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize