So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
bring money and cleavage
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
