People in love make me want to vomit
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
