White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
