been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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