Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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