mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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