Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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