i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
