I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
