just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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