the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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