dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So squirting runs in the family.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
