1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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