we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
