That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
