wrigley field is MILF paradise
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
