this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
