Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
