What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
