Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
