a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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