I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
