every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
