I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
