Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
