i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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