It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
