I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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