i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
