Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
