Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Everclear isn't food dammit
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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