yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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