I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
