I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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