I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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