My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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