1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
