Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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