He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
