someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
