We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
