So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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