I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
