My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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