i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Quick, to the slutcave!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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