i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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