saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
that may or may not have been my penis.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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