My first STD was from a foam party
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
