I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
