Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The Olympian is in my bed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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