that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
