How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize