you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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