I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
