Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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